The Tediophile
The day the Tediophile was born,
Was just like any other day.
*
Both mother and father wanted to live for a second time with a different identity, to redeem their own frustrations with the newly born creature. However, they soon realised only one of them could fit into the child's consciousness. Convinced of the importance of the child’s first utterance, they decided to let the child show them to whom its identity would belong. If it said "La" or "Ma", it would be the mother’s property, but if it said "Pa" or "Ta", it would belong to the father. Thus the terms were set. But the years passed, and the Tediophile remained impassive. And the Tediophile remained silent. Defeated, one evening, the marriage was on the verge of collapse. And then the Tediophile contemplated, in the glass of the window, his own reflection. And he said, "I." And perceiving the fear in the eyes of his parents, he felt he had great power. And without stopping for days, he repeated, "I," "I," "I," "I."
*
And the morning came when the Tediophile was able to construct a complete sentence. And it was this: "The most terrible thing that can happen to an orphan is to have siblings, a father, a mother and a family."
*
And the first time he was exposed to sunlight, a mob of people saw him and asked him what worship he practiced. He replied, "If I told you, you would not believe me." And he kept walking. And the crowd, eager for a fuller answer, followed and persecuted him. The Tediophile remained impassive. And the Tediophile remained silent. But when he saw the full moon and heard the howl of a wolf, he opened his lips suddenly. He said, “I believe in only two things: The first is tedium. The second is the lie.”
*
Nothing else happened in the Tediophile's life.
And the last words he said were these:
“My body is full of wounds
and my legs hurt.
I got lost in a thousand places,
but I have not a single memory
of where I have been.
I feel as though everything that happens
Has journeyed inward,
to the bottom of my soul
and to you, my beloved”.
Translated by Thomas Helm